My next assignment

Selling this house:
Who wouldn't love this house? We sure do!

Listing it?

No problem

I am a neat freak!

. . . Or at least I thought I was until today. How is it possible to spend most of every minute of every day cleaning something and yet today when the realtor came to take pictures I felt like I lived in an episode from "Hoarders"?

Seriously!?!!

It was like spending all night writing a masterpiece for your English lit class in college, you walk ready to snow your teacher with your incredible piece of art, confident that they will recruit you to publish something for their next journal, and instead you get your paper handed back to you with red ink all over it.

Granted... she was extremely gracious. She was ready to start snapping pics without me dashing from room to room grabbing clutter and throwing it in the nearest closet, but once I started, boy there was no stopping!

. . . and to my credit, I did just get back from a 2 month trip three days ago. . . or is that not to my credit seeing as how really the house hasn't been lived in for two months.

Um, regardless, my work is cut out for me, and I thought I was gonna skate through this. Ughh.

Leave of Absence

I've been gone a really long time....

I hadn't been home in 2 years. I knew this visit was going to be special from the second we landed.
My heart raced as I showed the kids the view of the mountains from DIA.
There was something about this trip that made it unique.
Maybe it was the fact that we appreciated life more, because of the startling realities of this year: the cancer returned, the crash happened, countless goodbyes were said.
2010 was a rough year.
That made this visit all the richer.
There is nothing like seeing the roots that God planted you in, go deep.
Long conversations over coffee with the people that know you more than you know yourself.
Cousins acting like siblings rough and tumbling and loving like they've never spent a day apart in their lives.
Sitting in the back seat, letting someone else tell you where you're going.
Someone telling you what is for dinner while they prepare it.
I have an incredible family, and I treasure them more than I think I ever have (and I've always cherished them).
God connected dots for me in my relationship with him that have been unconnected for decades (more about that in days to come).

It was an incredible trip!
Now there is work to do:
It was like God used the last two months to strengthen me for the year to come.
It's gonna be a wild ride... a homecoming, a house on the market, a cross country move to Cali and only the Lord knows what else.
I'm encouraged and ready, clinging to the grace of God and all of His promises in a whole new way.

Our Gentle Shepherd

It says in Isaiah that "He gently leads those who have young." A friend showed me that verse a few years ago. I have forever been changed by it (Thanks, Maggie). I cannot tell you how many times just in this last week I have felt absolutely overwhelmed by the task of parenting. It's a constant bombardment of what it feels like are pop quizzes on how to be a good parent, responding to your children with love and discipline, reflecting the attributes of God in a way they can relate. But I'm learning that God does just what he promises He'll do in His word. No matter the promise, He will fulfill it. In this case, "He gently leads those who have young."

And this is how He did it for me the other day.

Oftentimes, when we are getting ready to go someplace, Tink will exert her will by saying "I don't want to go." I've always tried reverse psychology, ignoring the behavior and acting like I'm leaving with or without her. The other day, we rehearsed the scene again. However, this time as I started to walk away a check in my spirit urged me to try something different.

I turned around went over to her got down at her eye level, and said...
"Tink, you're a Kaiser, I am a Kaiser, we're Kaisers. We are a family. We do fun things together as a family, and I want you to come with me, because we are a team and I want to be with you."

I paused waiting for her response.

Her eyes filled with unspeakable joy and relief. She stood up and threw her arms around me, and her entire demeanor changed.

I had been sending her a subtle message, I would be fine with or without her. She so needed to feel wanted and loved. That episode also was key in revealing that it seems quality time is her language of love. A very helpful insight to have in parenting her.

All of this wrapped up in a precious moment brought to us by the Shepherd who "Gently leads those who have young."

Katy...the family dog

It all started Christmas break 1998. I was home for college and out to dinner with my parents on our way out to visit the family ranch. I convinced them to stop by the pet store after dinner just to peek. Minutes later we were driving home with a 6 week old Malamute puppy. She wasn't something made in China or bought at Walmart . . . she was God's creation, and we treasured every moment we had with her. She died today in my parents' arms in the backyard, as they wept over her. Precious puppy, you were so loved. We will miss you!

Waiting

We continue to wait on God with Dan's mom and her progress. If you would like to follow the details of her condition, my sister-in-law, Leah (Danielle), has set up a Caring Bridge page for her.

CaringBridge / barbarakaiser2010 / Welcome

The Bottom Line

Dan's long hours are getting ready to get a lot longer at work, and his mom's health continues to hang in the balance.

There is so much I want to say and can't. My heart is full and empty, breaking while healing, hungry but satisfied. I don't really know how to put into words what I feel and so I can't. But I want to try because I want to remember this. I want my kids to remember this, and I want to share it because it's the essence of what I believe.

Dan's mom has been given 4-6 weeks to show some kind of cognitive response, or she will be removed from the hospital and placed into long term care. The family is begging God for a miracle, and we wait. We watch and we wait for life. The story is unfinished.

But I've read the Bible. Our God is a REDEEMER. He is GOOD. I know how HIS stories end. I know they are good.

The day the crash happened I was preparing to go to camp: bills to pay, a yard to mow, and a car to service, but in an instant none of it mattered. For some reason I keep thinking that's what Dan's mom feels right now as she gazes at our Savior's face in that space between life and death.

The fuss and noise of earth are now just a distant hum to her. She knows her Savior is better than anything this life has to offer, and none of it matters in light of Him. She will continue to fight for life in that hospital bed. She's a fighter, and we will fight for and with her. She has so much to live for.

But I also know whom she loves above all. I know that she is watching her Saviour's face and when He gives her the word, she will gladly dash into His arms.

I finally get what it means when the Bible says...
To live is Christ and to die is gain.

One glimpse of eternity with our Blessed Savior and nothing else will seem to matter.

The roller coaster

Never in my life have the highs and lows been so high and low. Doctors with mixed messages, hope and pain mixed with medical counsel and faith. Dan's mom has developed an infection that looks like it may be meningitis. They are gonna try to fight this at this point, two doctors with two totally different opinions helped the family make this decision. One gave them no hope for recovery (the neurosurgeon) and the other encouraged them to press on and give her a chance to fight (the chief of the intensive care unit). God is sovereign and we eagerly look to him for counsel, hope, and His glory to redeem this.

Thanks for the prayers

Those prayers are working and things are looking better by the hour. At first, Dan's mom was so unstable that they couldn't even do an MRI, but yesterday they were able to do an MRI and it looks like she doesn't have any serious brain damage. She's still in a coma, but they are gonna try to slowly wean her off life support to see what she is able to do on her own. Right after the crash the doctors said her injuries were not survivable, but now they are thinking she may even be able to make a recovery to the extent she could wake up from the coma and be okay. Obviously she has many injuries but we were really scared our only choices were a vegetative state or death. We are cautiously optimistic now.

Blowing Bubbles

Okay, here we have a study in contrast. Here we have intensity and levity all wrapped into one family: same genetic package, completely contrasting personalities.

Check out your face, Tink! Blowing your guts out to get one bubble.
Look at you, Pete, enjoying the many bubbles blown from gentle breaths.

Love the socks, Pete! Love 'em! Keep up with expressing yourself in little ways... or maybe it was just the last pair of socks left in your drawer thanks to your mom's excellent ability at keeping up with the wash.

See how well you can play together. Keep up with that! Your siblings can be some of the best friends you can have. They hold a mirror to your soul. They see the patterns of who you have been since you were little. They're the ones who rub off the rough edges to prepare you for The One, Lord willing, that you will spend the rest of your life with. I thank God for the treasure I have in my brothers and all the moments we've shared. I pray that you someday will feel the same way about each other.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I have a mother. . .
She is my hero.
She's a model of strong faith, hospitality, and a healthy marriage.
She's wise, discerning and loves a good laugh.
Her time is a gift and she generously shares it with others.
Her friends know they can call her no matter the time.
She opens her home weekly for meetings, Bible studies, and a bed and breakfast for whomever.
She listens, counsels, and says hard things sometimes.
She doesn't forget the special days.
She sends me Harry and David for Mother's Day, and humongous bouquets flowers for all other special holidays when Dan's not here. (Flowers and Harry and David are our love language).
She gets me, like no one else.
She's brilliant. Her husband knows she's wise and treasures her for it.
She knows more about the history and the political arena than most men. She uses her voice and her wit to empower others to use theirs and vote.
She loves her coffee and devotions in the morning with my dad, and a glass of wine in the evening as she recaps the day with that same wonderful man.
They are the best of friends, and the best parents ever.
I love you, Mom.
Happy Mother's Day!

What a difference a day makes

I take for granted each day's precious moments: The early morning greeting from a bright eyed two year old, the special favors laced throughout the day from an eager boy always ready to please his momma, and the remnants left on my shoulder from a snotty little hugger. Instead I mutter as I look at the clock and realize it's not even 7 yet. I get after Peter to hurry, and I change my shirt to keep the buggars at bay. True confessions . . . most days a lonely trip to the bathroom would seem like a much needed vacation.

I spent most of the other day praying for a friend. It looked like she may be facing a scary bout with cancer. The next day brought sweet relief: The cat scan looked good and it looks like she's out of the woods... cancer free. But then, I got a call from my mom. Dad's cancer is back.

Today was filled with those same little people with repeat performances as described above, but on a day like today they are just what I needed: sippy cups, diapers, and all. They're medicine for a saddened soul, and they rock my world!

Partners in Crime

Today for the first time ever Anna rode with her brother in the play car grocery cart at the commissary, and it opened a whole new world to me. She loved it; Pete loved it, and I loved it too! I've always kept her in her infant carrier until today (no wonder my arm always goes numb after I've been shopping). Today she was like a cage bird set free. Waving and laughing and enjoying the view. Her brother loved the company! He had a new little person to entertain and to laugh at all of his antics. Those two are two peas in a pod. Pete's first question to me when he wakes up is usually where's Anna. If Anna wakes up before Peter and I take her to get Peter, she'll start squealing before we can even get in the door.

I love watching this chemistry play out before my very eyes . . . these two little people becoming the best of friends . . . because it reminds me of one of my best friends growing up: my older brother, Eric. Erin, the oldest, was busy at school being our role model and blazing the trail for us (he, to this day is one of my greatest heros, mentors and friends but we'll save that for a future blog), but Eric and I were inseperable for a different reason. I was his shadow, partner in crime, and little buddy. He helped me escape from pre-school during naptime to go swing on the swings, and he got me out of Sunday school at Glen Eyrie to make a fort in the woods. He taught me how to fly (too bad that incident ended up at the ER) and how to catch frogs in the creek at Grandpa's farm. His friends were my friends and my friends were his friends (although sometimes my friends were my friends so they could be his friends:)... Yes I treasure the memories with Eric and that's why I thank God for this time to savor with Peter and Anna because I'm reliving those precious moments through them.